Past Present and Future.

So I was sitting here thinking about everything that's happened in my life since August 2008 (which is apparently the last time I updated or signed on to this sucker) and thought it would be nice to have this catharsis back. Because I have a job now, where I spend the good majority of my 8-10 hours a day just thinking about random stuff, and it would be a damn shame if I wasn't able to share all of these random stuffs with the lovely people of the internets.

Anyway, quick update! I left my dearest CMU for Culinary School, and Graduated from The Art Institute of Novi with a degree in Baking and Pastry in December of 2009. I was able to secure a kick-ass job at a bakery in Lansing, Michigan and its been over a year since I've been working there. Aside from my 4:00am call time, I absolutely loved my job. I had complete creative freedom, and got to expand my culinary portfolio 10x over because of it. I was very fortunate. I have been even more fortunate to find yet another job I will be starting in May, where I run a bakery. My own place, for all intensive purposes. I am very blessed.

However, as you may have been able to conclude, not a whole lot of people are 'chatty' at 4 o'clock in the morning. Myself included. So I get a lot of time to myself to think about anything and everything under the sun. When I started this post last fall, it was my day off. And I had returned to the land of the Maroon and Gold to visit some of my straggler friends who are still there. And because my favorite coffee shop on campus had hot caramel cider, and my chances of survival were severely endangered if I didn't get a cup. Or 5. Anyways...

I managed to nab myself a comfy spot of one of the prized couches in the small coffee shop, I noticed that it was looking directly at the table where I had my very first 'real date' my freshman year of college. I remember the guy, the complete giddy meltdown I had with my roommates before he came to meet me, and even what I had to drink. Talk about a blast of nostalgia. Now, in case you were wondering, it didn't ever work out with Mr. First Date man. In fact, I found out later that he actually had a girlfriend at the time he was taking me out. College is so fun, Kids.

Regardless that memory took me on a whirlwind tour in my own mind of not only all the men that have passed through my life since that very first 'real date' I went on over 4 years ago. Some I wanted to work but didn't, some I ruined because I just had to go through a bitch phase, some I'm glad didn't work out. Really, really glad...But even since the day I began writing this return post, so much has happened. Life is so fast. A lot of things change. Some things stay the same, and it all can turn upside down in the blink of an eye.

In the 2 years I've been absent from my keyboard, I not only left CMU and graduated from AI, I've learned about loss. First, my childhood dog, who was so much a part of my youth, and still brings a tear to my eye when it hits me that she's really gone. My Grandpa, the only one I ever knew, who taught me so much about how to live life and I don't think he ever knew it. My first puppy, who was too young to be taken from me. And most recently, the biggest love I have ever known.

I have gone from living in college apartments, to living with strangers who remained just that, to living with one of my best friends, and then to living with the man I thought I would still be living with today. He and I met during what I can honestly say was the best summer that I have had.

That summer changed my life. I fell for him so fast, but we were both so stubborn. Neither one of us wanted to be in a relationship, but neither one of us wanted to pass up whatever was obviously between us. With the help of our most magnificent friend KM, (who to this day is still one of the people I respect most in this world) we somehow kicked our stubbornness and turned that something into a 2 1/2 year long relationship. He helped me find my voice, to become the girl I always wanted to be, and he gave me music. He was my best friend, and a hell of a teacher. Somehow, when we moved in together however, things started to fall apart, and we didn't even notice. We stopped trying. We both were no longer getting what we needed out of the relationship, and we both so desperately wanted the other person to know without telling them. We stopped talking. We stopped going on dates. We just stopped. We wanted different things in life. And so even though the love was still there, the relationship was not. He is going to do amazing things with his life. I am going to do amazing things with mine. And while it was one of the hardest things I've had to move on from in my life, I am going to be ok.

Now I am exploring a side of me I haven't met yet. Independent Jill. I like her so far, and I am almost thankful for this opportunity to let her shine. She will be the voice of this blog from now on. She has her own place, complete with neurotic dog companion who likes to drag around wet towels. She is going to read more. She is stronger than her past versions. She has irreplaceable friends and family. She eats to much ice cream and watches to many sappy movies. She sometimes finishes a whole bottle of wine and then sips her tea in the morning thinking 'well...that was dumb.' She is going to be happy.

Someday, I'm sure future Jill will be somewhere and see or hear or taste something that will take her back on a nostalgia trip to the place I am at in my life right now. I will spend a few moments staring off into space with a small smile on my face, and probably laugh a little. And Then I will resume whatever I am doing and keep moving forward.

Welcome to my new life.